So I just looked and realized that I haven’t posted in a little over a month. And while that isn’t a huge deal to some, I guess to me, in a round about way, it just seems like a long time. And of course, there’s always a time of busyness around the holidays and my work schedule has been insane and wonky, and overall, life has just been insanely sucky.
Yeah, I said it. Life sucks right now. And yes, please don’t lecture me about people being worse off. I know they are and I will never begrudge that. I’ve been worse off than where I am now. But sometimes, we all just have to let things out of our system and have oral diarrhea for a few and then move on. Maybe that’s what I’ve been needing but again, the guilt of thinking of other people worse off than me overtakes me.
Maybe part of it is because I second guess myself. Does what I have to say even matter? Do the words that come to my mind and the thoughts that I want to share even matter to anyone? I mean, let’s face it. I don’t have a huge readership. I don’t have a huge following. My blogs are posted on my social medias when I publish (Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn), but who cares? Does anyone even take the time to read it or bother to care what I have to say?
I really don’t have anything special to say.
My words don’t hold any significant importance.
I have no words of wisdom or bright ideas that need to be brought to your attention.
I’m far from political (for the most part).
I’m not going to share some amazing parenting moment that will change your life.
But sometimes, I just need to speak what’s on my mind, what’s weighing on my heart, and put ideas and thoughts out there for the “masses” to see/read.
MAYBE something I say is what you needed to read.
MAYBE something I bring to light is an opinion you hadn’t thought of.
MAYBE something touch on could be a turning point for you.
MAYBE something I’m struggling with is the very thing you have recently conquered.
MAYBE I just want to “talk” but feel like I’m not being heard.
I’m not a fabulous writer. I’m not an award-winning author or up and coming blogger or even author in the making! I just like to talk about things, and for me to get my peace out about what’s important to me.
And if you’re still reading, then kudos to you because I’ve recently discovered that some people who I thought would take interesting in my reading didn’t bother to read what I have to say. Some of the things I say really need to be heard, but if there’s no interest, or even acknowledgement, what’s the point?
I guess, again, life is hitting me hard on the sucky scale. And yes, I could have things worse. Yes, I could be worse off and in a far darker place. Yes, I have it “good” for all intents and purposes.
But sometimes, I just need to scream from the rooftops. I need to scream that I want to be heard and I want to be valued for what I have to say and I want to be accepted, no matter what. I want to feel like I matter. I need to know that things I say mean something, in one way or another, or that you even SEE and READ what I write.
Because, maybe they don’t matter to you. Maybe they don’t affect you personally. But it affects me and it’s very real to me and it’s personal to me.
Maybe I just need to zip the lip (my famous line I say to my kids a lot these days lol). But really, it’s not going to stop me. Sometimes a little shake up helps. Maybe that’s what this is a prelude for. My life is already crazy and about to get even more crazy in the next month. But hopefully you’ll still be along for the ride. I know I’m not going anywhere! Silence or not……