Monthly Archives: October 2015

It’s Not Always In the Numbers

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I don’t have a lot of “close” friends in my life. Best friends. I’ve always been the outgoing, social one. The person that will talk to just about anyone and will inevitably make people laugh. But beneath that social butterfly of a persona is a very lonely individual. I don’t really have a lot of people I can call up at any given time. I don’t really have a long list of girlfriends that I’ll have to choose from to be a potential bridesmaid one day. I don’t have texts and phone calls making me burn the midnight oil trying to keep in contact with everyone. And for the most part, that’s ok. I can be a loner at times and keep to myself. It’s easier because it’s less for me to keep track of (with my every forgetful mind). But then there are days that the loneliness screams out, only to hear a faint echo bouncing back to me. There’s days when I just can’t stand the silence.

When I left my comfort zone for the unknown, I knew it was going to be tough for this introverted extrovert. I knew that my safety net was going to be literally thousands of miles away. But I did it. Would I change it? Maybe I would, maybe I wouldn’t. There’s positive things that have been a result of my leap, and for those I wouldn’t change a thing. But being away from those that my soul finds the most rest and peace in has it’s struggles. But for those dear ones that ARE in my life, near or far, the best friends I can’t imagine my life without, I am thankful. I am thankful for the listening ear (or the reading eyes since it’s usually a text). I am thankful for the advice, even if I don’t always follow it! I am thankful for the few that God has placed in my life that I can’t imagine not having in my life. There may be times we don’t talk. There may be times we don’t agree. But if we agreed on everything, it sure would be a boring friendship!

Deep, impactful friendships are what I need. I don’t have time for the wishy-washy friendships that only seek to serve themselves. “Friendships” that are come and go and surface level. Ones that serve their purpose for a moment, and when the moment has passed, so has the friendship. I don’t need people in my life that aren’t in it for the long haul. I don’t have time for people that only need me when it’s convenient for them. When there’s no one else. When the last resort is me. I don’t expect to be the only friend in anyone’s life, that would be nonsense. But I do expect an effort. To get to know me and know my crazy quirks and my unsightly baggage, and my monstrous pitfalls. But still is there despite all the setbacks. I don’t need the commonly referred to “fair weather friends.” At this point in my life, I don’t have time for that.

So, if you want to be in my life, be there. Make an effort, and I know I will in turn do the same. I’m not going to be part of a friendship of convenience. Not to sound harsh, but I just don’t have the time or energy to deal with that. I’m busy. I go non-stop. I rarely have a moment to just sit and rest and be still. I’ll always make time for those closest to me. If you can’t do the same for me, then I don’t want to be a part of that. I saw this quote that is so fitting. It says, “True friendship isn’t about being there when it’s convenient. It’s about being there when it’s not.” It seems like nothing is every convenient these days. I wish! But for those that make the time and help you out or are there for you, even when it’s not the most convenient for THEM, that’s a friend worth having in your life. And I’m thankful for the few that I have.

I don’t need a huge number. I don’t need a list a mile alone. I don’t need hundreds of Facebook “friends” to tell me that I have an enriched life. None of those numbers and accolades mean anything. It’s the support system that lifts me up when I’m at my lowest. It’s the perfectly timed jokes that make me laugh when I didn’t think I could smile. It’s the strong shoulder to lean on when the tears won’t stop flowing. Those things. That only takes one to be that person. Ad I am blessed to have a handful of people that can be there for me like that. And I hope, that in turn, I can be that way for others.

Remember this….The greatest gift is not found in the stores. But in the heart of true friends.

Today I’m thankful for the gifts of friendship I have in my life.